It was a kind of bizarre moment.
The journey was already long and drawn out, a roller coaster of health ups and downs, answers to prayer, release and relief.
So when I started to prepare to enter back into life as I knew it, and suddenly felt a holy hand go up in front of my hurried hustle, I was confused.
He had answered my prayer. I had come back to life. So why the hold-up?
Turns out He knew some things.
Some things that would happen to me. Some things He would do in me.
And I wasn’t lacking in faith.
I wasn’t doubting the answer.
Hadn’t got a head of myself.
But there was a stretch where I couldn’t figure out why I was still in a holding pattern when it seemed perfectly safe to land.
At one point I was talking to a friend who knows a thing or two about holy rest and waiting on God, and admitted that I was so ready to get back to all the things I loved, was actually raring to go for the first time in almost a year, and yet felt very definitely that He was being firm on “wait”.
But didn’t know what I was waiting on.
Her emailed response settled upon me, and asked me something my heart hadn’t considered, her words adding light to see more clearly by.
“Think of this season in terms of God saying to you, ‘Can I trust you with what I have in mind next?”
He had brought me this far, so if He was saying wait a bit longer He had a good reason.
My heart un-clenched.
I realised I wasn’t given a “wait here on a never-ending loop” directive but a “you wait here, I’ve got some things to arrange” directive.
So I relinquished all my “here I come, world” and instead offered up a “here I am, Lord.”
And I waited.
Turns out, He knew that my new health season would require some recoup that wouldn’t kick in right away. That when it did, He would have to see me through it, hard.
And so I entered a season of healing pains.
My body so happy to be rid of a little something called Lyme that it would then try to regenerate every bit of tissue, nerve, joint, muscle, and brain wave that disease had affected through the years… all at once.
Sometimes we know we’re the most alive, and in the most healthy transition of our lives, when we enter a pain cycle, the proof that life really is returning.
Like when a limb feels like it’s on fire after it’s fallen asleep, He knew that would be me- body, mind, and soul, for another 7 whole months.
Good pains but still hard pains that would wipe me out.
And He had known they were coming.
You circle in a holding pattern until the tower says all is clear. It’s for your safety.
So while I embraced His “wait” and used it to rest and heal further, He began to reveal that He was not idle while I was out of commission, but that He was rearranging and orchestrating some things, old and new.
“You wait here, I’ve got some things to rearrange.”
“I need to clear the tarmac. I’ve got to prepare you for what’s to come. I know you’re going to need more time to adjust.”
“I’m doing this not just so you can get back, but so that you can thrive. ”
[bctt tweet=”Can I trust you with what I have next?” username=”cduncansphoto”]
I’m posting this because there’s a feeling in the air like we’re transitioning out of the holding pattern and into new destinations.
Will you wait with me, just a little bit longer, as He directs me out of this hard season and into a few things I’m slightly surprised at?
I have a new feeling. That what He has is going to be good. And maybe different. Maybe needing courage.
Always needing faith and obedience.
Thanks for hanging around while this new season is about to be released, readers! It won’t be very long and we’ll be doing this thing called life together again.
Now, you wait here please… I’ve got some things to rearrange.